{"id":351,"date":"2010-03-18T19:07:36","date_gmt":"2010-03-19T03:07:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/?p=351"},"modified":"2010-04-01T15:18:35","modified_gmt":"2010-04-01T23:18:35","slug":"no-warts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/2010\/03\/18\/no-warts\/","title":{"rendered":"No Warts!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"

A little bit of pretty for no reason at all.<\/p><\/div>\n

So when I wrote the post about being a creepy parent<\/a>, I was sporting some righteous indignation on behalf of angry parents everywhere. Then\u2026 We watched Mary Poppins, again, and I got that damn song stuck in my head. You know the song that Jane and Michael write about the perfect nanny-to-be. These two lines in particular.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If you won’t scold and d*minate us
\nWe will never give you cause to hate us<\/em><\/p>\n

D*mination. (In case you\u2019re wondering, the asterisk is an attempt to avoid the attraction of search engines to that particular word. THERE\u2019S NOTHING TO SEE HERE PERVS. WE\u2019RE JUST HAVING A NICE CONVERSATION ABOUT MARY POPPINS. MOVE ALONG. After the mattress post<\/a>, when I mentioned I would h*ndcuff the mattress to Josie\u2019s a*kle, you should have seen the search terms that were directed to HMN. Yikes! I changed h*ndcuff to attached in a jiffy. Sigh. I have so much to learn.)<\/p>\n

Anyway, D*mination is such an ugly word. Perhaps sometimes, my frustration and\/or anger is about control or even d*mination. She\u2019s TWO for god sake. She wants everything exactly her way. No, Daddy, change diaper! <\/em>She insists I sit on the \u2018touch\u2019 right this minute so she can comb my hair with a coaster NOW. Sit! Mommy Sit!<\/em><\/p>\n

Sometimes her demands are reasonable. Yes, you can have more gogurt (yogurt) or a boo (blue) poon (spoon). But, no, you can\u2019t cross the street by yourself. You must hold my hand in the parking lot. And there are others\u2026 While I was sitting in the sun, on vacation, thinking about this, I could not come up with any of them. The humming of the honey bees devouring the nectar of little rosemary flowers was too distracting. While she\u2019s snoring in the other room, all her requests seem perfectly reasonable. I wasn\u2019t in my usual frame of mind.<\/p>\n

Rosy cheeks, no warts!
\nPlay games, all sorts<\/em><\/p>\n

Hmmm, play games. I do sometimes trick her into doing what I want, but I don\u2019t think this is the kind of games the kids mean. Perhaps I\u2019m reading too much into this. I think Mary Poppins is becoming one of my primary sources of parenting advice (or parenting guilt). Move over Parenting with Love and Logic. I\u2019ve had enough rational thinking, I\u2019m all about flying umbrellas and jumping into chalk drawings from here on out.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

Never be cross or cruel
\nNever give us castor oil or gruel<\/em><\/p>\n

Sometimes I can\u2019t help but be cross but I will do my best to never be cruel. I guess cleverness is the goal, distraction the aspiration, persuasion the dream, but when all else fails, as I said before, I reserve the right to bring out the angry. Now, if you\u2019ll excuse me, I\u2019m going to go scream at my umbrella until it learns to fly.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So when I wrote the post about being a creepy parent, I was sporting some righteous indignation on behalf of angry parents everywhere. Then\u2026 We watched Mary Poppins, again, and I got that damn song stuck in my head. You know the song that Jane and Michael write about the perfect nanny-to-be. These two lines […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-351","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mom"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/351","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=351"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/351\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":394,"href":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/351\/revisions\/394"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=351"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=351"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.katherinemalmo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=351"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}